Coffee or Sugar? The Funniest Joke

A collection of the weird, the trivial, the funny, and the dumb

 
MORE COFFEE GOODNESS

PARIS

People who drink seven or more cups of coffee a day are 50 percent less likely to develop Type 2 diabetes than counterparts who drink two cups or fewer. The evidence comes from a database of the health and lifestyle of 17,000 Dutch men and women, assessed by the Netherlands National Institute for Public Health and Environment.

    Factors such as smoking, ratio of body fat, and alcohol consumption were taken into account to make a fair comparison of health among coffee drinkers.

    The authors, who reported their work in The Lancet, say the findings have "important public health implications" given the spiraling costs of treating people with diabetes. They urge caution, however, for people tempted to seize upon coffee as a miraculous shield against this health problem. "Possible adverse effect on other health aspects should be considered in the choice to consume coffee."

    The researchers note that caffeine is known to reduce the body's sensitivity to insulin, a phenomenon that should in fact worsen the diabetes problem. However, coffee also has lots of chlorogenic acid and magnesium, which they speculate more than offset the effect of caffeine.

    Chlorogenic acid, a substance called a phenol which plays a big role in coffee's bouquet of flavor, has been found in lab tests to reduce absorption of glucose by the liver. Magnesium may improve sensitivity to insulin, they suggest.

    The database covered 17,111 people aged 30 to 60. More than 4,200 drank seven or more cups of coffee per day while 2,792 drank two cups or fewer.

BODY BEAUTIFUL WOES

PARIS

Men who get swept up in the craze for bodybuilding may become so anxious about their looks that it can cripple them emotionally, making them feel puny and even unhealthy, says a study.

    The researchers call the syndrome muscle dysmorphia (MD), saying that some men who get hooked on pumping iron may become convinced they look weak and flabby even if they are as muscular as Arnold Schwarzenegger. "This belief leads them to become obsessed with exercising, particularly weightlifting, and at risk of misusing anabolic-androgenic steroids," the authors reported in the British Journal of Sports Medicine.

    "People with MD also tend to avoid situations and places where they might be seen without clothing (and if that is unavoidable it causes them severe distress) and often wear many layers of clothing, even in hot weather, to avoid their bodies being seen. "For many, social relations and occupational functioning are adversely affected."

    Seeking to find out more about how bodybuilders perceived themselves, the researchers interviewed 24 regular weight trainers who had the symptoms of MD in the Boston area of the United States, and compared them with 30 others who also worked out and had a similar build and educational and professional background.

    Those with MD often had a negative view of themselves. They considered themselves to be far less attractive physically and less healthy than their counterparts. They worried far more about their muscle tone and about getting fat and were especially anxious about the look of their buttocks, hips, thighs and legs.

    The researchers, led by Precilla Choi, a doctor at the School of Human Movement, Recreation, and Performance at Victoria University, in Melbourne, Australia, say MD is a new and little-known disorder among men and it appears to mirror a condition among compulsive female exercisers. It is a cause for concern because so many men are now taking up weight training not for health but to look pumped-up, they say.

    "If more men are taking to the gym to increase their musculature, some may be at risk of developing muscle dysmorphia," they warn.

MISTY-EYED OVER TEAR-FREE ONION

PARIS

A milestone in human progress-that moment when we will all be able to chop an onion without weeping-lies on the horizon, thanks to the discovery of what it is in onions that makes our eyes water.

    Scientists reporting in Nature say that the chemical culprit is a pungent enzyme that they have appropriately named lachrymatory-factor synthase. It plays no part in giving the onion flavor, for this comes from another compound called thiosulphinate, according to the researchers, from House Foods Corp. in Chiba, Japan.

    That means, they cautiously suggest, the time has come for a stab at the world's first super-onion. Onion genes would be tweaked so that they lack the tear-inducing enzyme but at the same time boost their yield of thiosulphinate.

    "It may be possible to develop a nonlachrymatory onion that still retains its characteristic flavor and high nutritional value by downregulating the activity of this synthase enzyme," the team said.

BARKING UP THE WRONG MUSIC

PARIS

Dogs become sweet-tempered and relaxed when they listen to classical music but put up a howl when they listen to heavy metal, according to researchers.

    Animal behavioralists led by Deborah Wells of Queen's University in Belfast, Northern Ireland, exposed 50 canines in a dog shelter to four different types of noise. The pooches were given either a middle-of-the-road pop compilation that included Britney Spears and Robbie Williams, a "best of classical" CD, a radio program that only had human conversation, or an album by heavy-metal rockers Metallica.

    The dogs became agitated and barked a lot when listening to Metallica but became quiet and lay down more when they listened to the classics. Pop music and the human voice seemed to make little difference to how they behaved.

    Previous studies have already suggested that classical music boosts egg production in factory hens and milk production in cows but this is believed to be the first to apply to dogs.

    Wells said the findings supported the use of soothing music in human environments, too. Said Wells: "We know that classical music results in decreased stress, decreased agitation, improved mood, improved performance in certain things as well. So there is certainly scope for using classic music in potentially stressful environments, such as dentists' waiting rooms, hospital waiting areas, airports and so on. It is well established that music can influence our moods. Dogs may be as discerning as humans when it comes to musical preference."

SCIENCE'S FUNNIEST

LONDON

Scientists in Britain unveiled in October the world's funniest joke at the end of the largest study of humor ever. The past year, people around the globe were invited to judge jokes using a five-point "Giggleometer" on the Internet, as well as to contribute quips of their own.

    The LaughLab experiment conducted by psychologist Richard Wiseman, from the University of Hertfordshire, attracted more than 40,000 jokes and almost two million ratings.

    As well as identifying the joke that appealed most to people around the world, the experiment-not surprisingly-revealed wide humor differences between nations. Scans conducted on people being told jokes also identified the brain's laughter center-a region near the back of the frontal lobes.

    The joke that received the highest global ratings was submitted by psychiatrist Gurpal Gosall, from Manchester, northern England. Here it is:

    Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

    There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

    "Many of the jokes submitted received higher ratings from certain groups of people," Wiseman said. "But this one had real universal appeal."

THE LANGUAGE OF HEALTH

HELSINKI

A new study in Finland has found one thing that can make you healthier-speaking Swedish. Researchers at the Aabo Akademi found that Finns who speak the language of their Nordic neighbors were up to 25 percent less likely to fall ill than those who do not.

    The study, published in Helsinki's Huvudstadsbladet newspaper, was based on the records of nearly one million Finns over a quarter-century. It found male Swedish-speakers between the ages of 30 and 49 were 25 percent less likely to fall ill, while for women the difference was only 15 percent.

    The researchers said the two groups were genetically identical, meaning that the health gap could only be explained by social and sociological factors like being able to speak another tongue.

    But before you sign up for that language course or contemplate a move to Stockholm, they said the difference could be a product of something no amount of study can fix: the quality of urban living.

    "Swedish-speaking Finns often live in places where their ancestors did," said Fjalar Finnaes, one of the authors of the study. "Finnish speakers are mostly those who left the countryside and moved to industrial areas."